Yep, I’m officially giving lessons on HOW TO DEAL WITH YOUR STEPMOM. I have every right to give advice and tips when it comes to this issue because I have had so many stepmoms in the past that I’ve completely lost track of them. Not only that, I have a stepsister, four half-siblings, AND a stepdad as well. The whole shebang.
What you need to know about me is I left home after graduating from college because I cannot bear to live with my stepmom any longer. I thought if I continued living with her I would either go insane or start contemplating murder. She has the longest record of being my stepmom, btw, so I guess she’s really staying for good. The fact that she’s pregnant with her SECOND child to my dad pretty much proves that she’s THE ONE. Not that having a baby ever stopped my dad from leaving women like they’re some sort of dirty laundry. Don’t get me wrong, I love my dad. No, REALLY. 😀
Moving on, I think this stepmom, well let’s call her A, has been in my family for like 5 or 6 years now. We got along fine at first, like every other stepmom I’ve had. But, of course, there was this huge fight a.k.a. “THE Cold War”, that caused a huge rift between us.
So I went home last weekend to visit my family and friends. I dunno when it started but I guess I’m more matured and I’ve learned a lot through these years – after dealing with all those stepmoms before. So here it goes, I can only share three tips and I’m not sure if it works for everyone. Every stepmom is unique in their own way. 😀
1. Pretend you didn’t or you haven’t.
~ My stepmom is an arrogant bitch. Yes, she is. She likes bragging about what she has right now – the car, the house, the iPhone, the furniture, the various experiences traveling abroad, and all those meaningless, material stuff. At first, I was jealous, of course. I was like, “that should’ve been OURS – that should’ve been US”. But, no use crying over spilled coffee (I like coffee more, okay!).
We went to a grocery store and she was so excited in telling me about this ‘new’ instant coffee that she tried and she was like, ‘Have you tried this yet?” I didn’t really wanna burst her bubble coz she seemed so intent in rubbing it in my face that I haven’t had the luxury of drinking that particular coffee. So, I said to myself, SO BE IT. I was like, “Nope. Is it good?” so she bought it for me. I couldn’t even count how many times I’ve had that coffee and I personally didn’t think it was that good. But, yeah, I had to pretend that I KINDA LIKED IT.
We saw some Korean ice cream and she knew how I’m into Korean stuff, so she was like “You have to try this Melon Bar ice cream! It’s from Korea!” So she asked me the MAGIC QUESTION again, “Have you tried it before?” and, of course, I said ‘Nope’, so she bought two for me. End of story.
My point here is, life gets easier if you will just pretend that you like this and that. As long as it’s something as harmless as coffee and ice cream. PLUS, we don’t really have anything to talk about when it’s just the two of us so that’s a great conversation topic.
2. Keep your distance.
~ As much as possible, I don’t really like being around my stepmoms. I feel uncomfortable and awkward. It feels like being in the company of my first boyfriend’s gangster-like friends. They were all looking at me and judging me with those scary stares. Plus, stepmom A has this way of making me feel like I don’t belong in THEIR HOUSE. Yes, it’s THEIRS so I have no right to act like I’m a part of that little family in that wonderful house. Whatever. What I do is I just play or chat with my stepsister and my half-sister. Yep, my stepmom brought along her own daughter from another guy so I have a stepsister and a half-sister. They’re still young so they’re NOT YET ‘Cinderella evil stepsisters’ level. >:) I just hang out with them, watch TV or stay in THEIR bedroom as a visitor. That way I can avoid any sort of conversation or interaction with my stepmom. Sometimes I watch TV with the whole family. It’s actually fun because my stepmom usually makes stupid remarks and lame jokes. The lights are on, but nobody’s home. So it is quite amusing. XD
3. Treat her to something (Or buy something for her).
~ I like treating my siblings (even my stepsister and half-sister) whenever I see them. No matter how small or cheap it is, I like showing off that I’m earning my OWN money now and I don’t rely on my dad anymore. I have this uncertain feeling that stepmom A is too aloof and cheeseparing when it comes to me because she knew what a threat I am. Or I was…? I’m not sure. It’s just that, I’m the only girl – before stepmom A and her daughters came along – and my dad had always been lax with me. I’m the only one he’d listen to and the only one who could ask money from him LIKE A BOSS. 😀 So whenever I get the chance, I try to show stepmom A that I HAVE MY OWN MONEY.
Even though it’s against my will to spend a single cent on them, I have to buy things and food for my stepmom and my sisters. Of course, I feel good seeing the smiles on their faces but I don’t think my stepmom is too happy about it. I honestly think she’s not happy that I’m not groveling before her for money. So, as much as possible, show her that you are happy and contented with your life. If you can, make her feel that you are better off living away from them. Which, in all truthfulness, is how I’m feeling right now.
I used to think that it was unfair that I had to fend for myself and live on my own while they are living the luxurious life that my father worked hard for. But, now that I think about it, I’m not sure I want THAT kind of life. I would rather live in a distant city and enjoy my life than be confined to that house with all the awkwardness, tension and unspoken rules. I feel bad for my youngest brother who still lives with them. 😦
Don’t get me wrong. I don’t hate my stepmom. I think the fact that I’ve matured and I’ve escaped that “angsty and bitter Cinderella” mode, made me look at things in a wider perspective. If I’m still living with them right now, I bet I would despise her so much. But now that I’m thousands of miles away from her, I’ve learned to move on and just let go.
That doesn’t mean I’m CINDERELLA no more, though. I’m still Cinderella but I’m Cinderella with an attitude.
photo source: favim.com