They say life is a rollercoaster. I say “have you tried online dating?”
“Fasten your seatbelt! You’re in for one hell of a ride.” – Someone should have given me this warning before I got in too deep with all these hullabaloos surrounding online dating.
I haven’t written anything worth reading for like 9 months now. And suddenly, here comes an idea. Something that hits close to home. It’s this crazy little thing called ‘online dating’.
Although I’ve been a member of a handful of these ‘free online dating sites’ for more than two years now, I was never really an ‘active’ member. Mainly because I have no idea how the whole concept of online dating works.
According to my trusty source (Mr. Google), “online dating” is the practice of searching for a romantic or sexual partner on the Internet, typically via a dedicated website.
First of all, I didn’t know that. I thought the whole point was finding someone who shares your interests, someone you have a connection with, or at least someone close to your ‘ideal guy’, and then starting a real relationship with them. I thought it was a cooler, more advanced and modern way to meet guys. I was dead wrong.
Online dating has now turned into a petri dish of creeps, perverts, stalkers, maniacs, assholes, jerks — whatever horrible stuff you have in mind, double it. Ever since I’ve started online dating, I have seen all kinds, colors, and sizes of THAT male part. Believe me, I have seen enough to last me a lifetime. That brings me to my first question.
Why do guys feel the need to show girls a picture of their junk?
What’s up with that?
Yeah, no, don’t answer that okay. I KNOW WHY. #rhetoricalquestion
I might get bricked for saying this… but, yes, I did start this online dating thing because I don’t have time to actually go out and meet guys. I don’t have male coworkers. I don’t have male neighbors. My friends would never be bothered to set me up on blind dates. The only interaction I have with someone from the opposite gender would be when I ride the jeepney on my way home from work or on the rare occasion that I actually go out — to the mall or the market.
I’ve only started being “active” on these online dating sites this year and in that short period of time, I have met a cornucopia of guys that made me realize I’m in the wrong place. I definitely came to the wrong party. I imagined myself going to a nude beach and walking around with my clothes on; everyone ogling at me and following me around like a hungry pack of wolves.
Since I’ve decided to start writing a blog every week, I thought I should share some of my embarrassing, annoying, funny, awkward and not-so-pleasant online encounters.
GUY # 1
Mr. Friends With Benefits. Of course, this is the first guy that I’ve met. Just my luck. This type of guy is usually a smooth talker. He would make you feel comfortable first, get your trust, make you laugh and then move on to his not-so-hidden agenda. Now, I’m not that stupid. I’ve seen the movie “Friends With Benefits” so I know how it goes. I just don’t get the ‘benefits’ part. Unless the guy looks like Ryan Reynolds or Benedict Cumberbatch, I don’t think I’m getting any “benefit” here. Besides… the guy that I’ve met was more of a ‘backdoor’ kind of guy. And, yeah. NO. Hell no.
GUY # 2
Mr. Send Me A Picture. I remember this one guy who seemed really nice and decent. We had a really engaging, fun and PG-13 chat for a few days. I almost thought he was “the one”… until he asked me to send him a picture. I thought, okay, sure, he wants a selfie. Selfie sent! He said I was ‘cute’ and he asked me to send him more… and more… and more. Nope. He wanted to see my whole body. He doesn’t give a damn about my face. Or my personality. Or the fact that I love reading books. He just wants to see my boobies. LOL. Surprisingly, this doesn’t really offend me. I’m used to it by now. Most guys would actually save themselves some time and just go straight to the point. They’d be like “pic of my ding-a-ling sent, now it’s your turn”. LOL.
GUY # 3
Mr. Are You Open-Minded?. It’s funny how I’ve been asked this question more times than I can count and I don’t think we were thinking about the same “open-mindedness” here. First of all, I AM OPEN-MINDED, meaning I am “receptive to arguments or ideas” and “unprejudiced”. Apparently, in the world of online dating, being open-minded means you are game for sex. That’s it. So if a guy asks me this magic question. I am 100% sure that I know where the conversation is going. I remember this one guy. Once again, I fell for the witty banter between us. I’m a sucker for fun and intelligent conversations. Out of nowhere, he asked me the magic question, “Are you open-minded?”. So I didn’t waste any minute and gave him the answer that he was seeking for. I told him “NO”. He asked why. I told him that I knew where this was going and I’m not into ‘casual sex’ or anything like that. I must have hurt his pride or something because he started defending himself like I was his girlfriend and I caught him cheating on me. LOL! It was sad and pathetic how he tried to salvage the situation, giving lame excuses as he tried to finagle his way out of it. In the end, I decided to just block him because his messages were starting to sound desperate and on the verge of suicidal.
GUY # 4
Mr. Oops I Forgot I Have A Girlfriend. Yep. The worst kind of person out there. Do I really need to explain this further? And yes, I know that it’s stupid to actually believe this kind of guy. In my defense, I didn’t really ‘fall’ for his trap. I just wanted to give it a shot coz he was funny and witty and kinda decent. Unfortunately for him, he texted me so I got his number and my amazing smartphone automatically ‘synced’ to my Facebook account. The morning after our “movie date” I saw him in the “suggested friends” area on FB. Out of curiosity, I visited his profile and saw three words that made me want to meet him again and bash his face in. IN. A. RELATIONSHIP. >_<
GUY # 5
Mr. Let’s Get Down To Business. Believe it or not, I totally respect this guy more than the other pretentious jerks. He might be a perv, but he’s a straight-to-the-point-no-nonsense kind of perv. At least he’s got the balls to tell me honestly that he wants nothing but casual sex. Some would just ask me right away if I’m “naughty”. Others would at least ask me some personal questions and pretend to care about my answers before asking if I’m “up for some fun”. A few would take a lifetime to actually show their true colors and it kinda makes me want to just give them my answer anyway.
What I’m getting at here is the fact that online dating started out as a fun and convenient way to meet people from anywhere in the world and potentially start something romantic… before moving on to the ‘main event’ *ehemsexehem*
I thought it was something that could help timid, anti-social, late bloomers with zero dating experience find their “perfect match” or at least the more realistic version of whoever that is.
Now it’s nothing more than an easy medium for creeps and perverts to get laid without committing to something. Or a convenient way for bored husbands to cheat on their wives and pretend they don’t have kids.
I envy those who actually get to find ‘true love’ through online dating. I mean, I’m not that old-fashioned or conservative in any way. I know what online dating (in this generation) entails… it’s not rocket science. I just thought that there’s still hope out there. I thought I could still come across a nice, humble and funny guy with a stable job and a cute smile.
Yeah. It’s stupid. But a girl can dream, right?
Anyway, let’s just let the memes talk. I don’t own them, btw. 😀