Depression.

I’ve always thought the only thing that could make me cry for no reason is a broken heart.

Apparently, I was wrong.

Thought I’ve been through a lot.

Thought I’ve been through the worst and most difficult time of my life.

I’m not a positive person.

I’m really not.

I’m not all sunshine and rainbows.

Can’t say I’m pessimistic either.

I feel like I’m halfway between optimistic and pessimistic.

Then it happened.

One wrong decision.

It all came crumbling down.

Crash and burn.

My heart feels heavy.

I’m watching comedy, but I don’t find anything funny.

I laugh without humor.

Tears start to well in my eyes… threatening to fall down.

To the outside world, I show a different me.

A relaxed, worry-free and composed me.

To the four corners of my bedroom, I take off the mask.

I let the silent tears come.

I sit in the dark, staring at nothing.

I wipe away the hot tears but they keep on coming.

I self-diagnose.

I search the webΒ for answers.

What’s wrong with me?

Why do I feel this way?

What is this emptiness?

Why am I hopeless?

I’ve never felt this way before.

How do I stop this?

How do I become happy again?

Why do I feel like nothing in my life is going right?

Everything has just gone horribly wrong.

Why do I feel alone?

How did I become like this?

Is this depression?

 

My last ‘Annyeong’ to my students~

After two years of doing the same repetitive stuff again and again and again. I decided to let go of one of my part-time jobs. It’s not easy. I’ve given it much thought. I weighed the options. I reminisced about the good times– the so-called happy times–to check whether I’m doing the right thing or not. But I realized how few these ‘times’ are… so… I have to make this huge leap forward. Leave everything behind. This job taught me a lot, it showed me the REAL world — how nasty and cruel and unrelenting it is. So why? Simple. I just got burned out. Third degree burns. πŸ˜„ ANYWAY, I was googling some resignation letters and I found this. Best one so far. haha.

Hello hello~ goodbye goodbye~

I Hate This Job, And You! Letter

Dear [Recipient’s name]:

Yesterday I woke up and realized that this is the worst career experience I’ve ever had. Therefore, I’m officially notifying you of my resignation from [company name]. My last day will be today.

This company has many problems. [insert problems here]

On top of that, I can’t stand to work for you any longer. You, alone, have been a constant source of pain and suffering for me ever since I started this job. I can’t understand how you made it this far in the professional community.

Today is a great day for me. I will never have to see, hear or listen to you ever again. Goodbye, and good-riddance!

Warmest Regards,

[Your Signature]

source: iquit.org

^That cracked me up. πŸ˜„ I’m not gonna use that though…but I kinda want to. πŸ˜„

Tamara, Literally Out Loud (via Tamara Out Loud)

I can so relate to this. Having a unique or weird name can be a blessing and a curse at the same time. Okay,not REALLY a CURSE in every sense of the word… but it definitely has its downside sometimes.

Having a unique name in a country where parents are trying to outdo each other by giving their kids the craziest, longest, weirdest, strangest, most hard-to-spell name they could come up with– isn’t really something new. So why do people still freakin’ mispronounce and misspell my name?! It’s just one word with 5 letters. It’s not that I’m complaining though. I mean, having a unique name made me standout most of the times. People tend to remember my name easily because it’s different. It’s not your average girl-next-door name. In school, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one named “IRICK”. Yes, I would bet all my savings that when you mention my name in school, there’s no other. It’s just ME. πŸ™‚ My teachers recognized me more and would always call me for recitation. But of course 7 out of 10 teachers would mispronounce my name. πŸ˜„ Actually 7 out of 10 people say my name wrong the first time. I’ve been called IRENE, IRISH, ERIC, ERICA, ERICH, IRIS AND EE-RIK. πŸ˜„ I don’t really get annoyed that much, I find it amusing most of the times. Some fast food restaurants require the customer’s name right? That’s when I get frustrated mostly. I already spelled out my name for them, but they still get it wrong. >_< Here's an example:

Crew: Can I have your name please?
Me: Irick.
Crew: …
Me: AHY-RIK
Crew: Irene…?
Me: No, it's Irick. Eric with an I.
Crew: Eric?
Me: … I-R-I-C-K.
Crew: Okay…
Me: Just put Ima then. ("Ima" [AHY-MA] is my nickname)
Crew: *writes down ALMA*

I actually did some research and found out that IRICK is actually a last name in some state in the U.S. Weird.

Getting my name wrong is only cute and amusing the first or second time. It gets a bit taxing as time goes by. Especially if it's a stranger or just an acquaintance. I could forgive my friends for that though. πŸ˜„ For instance, some of my friends call me EE-RIK because they're used to calling me that way. I don't really feel like bitching about my name's mispronunciation every time. But of course I love people who get it right the first time. πŸ™‚

Bottomline is… if you know me, I'm probably the ONLY 'IRICK' you'll ever know. There's no other. Hehe. So you better remember my name and say it right. ^_____^

**Irick – [AHY-rik]**

Tamara, Literally Out Loud This post was Freshly Pressed on Wed., June 8, 2011. I'm delighted by all the comments but cannot possibly respond to them all. Please know I'm reading and enjoying each one. Thanks for visiting the blog! ________________________________________________________ People have been getting my name wrong my whole life. Hell, my own parents got my name wrong before I was born. I didn't stand a chance. As my mother tells it, she and my birthfather were … Read More

via Tamara Out Loud